I believe everything should end.
I have always believed that
I am terrified of endings.
And yet, somehow, I always seek them. I thrive on them.
They are the natural destination of stories.
And I have always believed that my life is nothing but a story.
That is the only way I was able to go on. Midst reality's incessant reminder that all was not as rosy as I made it out to be.
A Year ago, I embarked on this literary adventure. I did not know what awaited me. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. It was a September day and I needed a beginning.
A new adventure.
It took the shape of a blog.
And so I started writing, not knowing where my thoughts would take me.
I ended up writing 23 short stories.
This is my 24th.
And my last.
Endings make the story we have lived more beautiful. Endings give stories their value. They turn them into memories material.
I never really thought I'd one day give that name for myself. I have been a journalist all my life. I write about others. Have been doing that for nearly 23 years.
In this blog, initially I thought I would continue doing that. Write about others lives.
Then I found myself creeping inside the stories. My thoughts, the tens of lives I have lived so far, all those moments that never really went away, however hard I tried to erase them by living other stories on top of them.
They were all somehow incorporated in those small adventures I lived in the name of my blog.
I liked it.
It became part of my days. To have small adventures and write about them, and then notice how I'd mange to find my way into them.
I never knew when it would end. And to be honest, I never really thought that it would.
There are still a thousand adventures I can embark on.
A thousand more chapters from my life to merge inside of them.
To emerge from them.
And never ending arenas of thoughts I do know exist.
Hidden beneath the studied denial and the well organized days.
But that's another story.
And it can go on forever.
I have a feeling it will.
However, this adventure has ended.
I really did not know beforehand that it will.
But I have become quite an expert at endings.
I can smell them long before they take their final shape.
These stories I have written have colored my days.
They added meaning to my life story.
I bid them farewell knowing that they will forever remain a part of me.
I shall never forget this year.
But I have become an expert at endings.
I glorify them to make them less painful.
I make them a turning point.
That is the only way I can survive them.
I am now going to create a lifestyle blog.
I shall no longer be concerned with myself and my neurosis.
There is a whole world out there and I intend to write about it.
For nearly 23 years in the newspaper I have written about others.
Then for nearly a year in this blog I gave the center stage to my inner world disguised in outer adventures.
Now I believe I should be writing about places and food and a million other things I have suddenly noticed as soon as I shifted my attention from myself to the world.
A small pang engulfs my heart as I bid farewell to my first blog.
But I have already embarked on another adventure a few days before I took the decision of ending this chapter from my life story.
As I told you before, life has trained me well on endings.
I sniff them long before they come towards me, with their small smile. Somewhat sad, and yet realistic and matter – of - fact.
I have learned how to outwit them.
You see, as soon as I see their shadow lurking somewhere there, I immediately replace them with a new beginning.
And I return their smile.